Tuesday, 2 September 2014

I have a Karate Girlfriend

Hi, I am Arnab…an IT guy and yes I have a girlfriend. Some of the common perceptions of people around me are like

“IT guy getting a girlfriend is an extraordinary thing”

Or if it’s not enough then

“Getting one isn't hard. Keeping one is”

But I feel that

When you say you've had enough
And you might just give it up
Oh, oh
I will never let you down”

Perceptions aside my case is different. Though I belong to the same IT clan, beat up from all directions in ways you can’t even imagine…my life is quite different. Even my relationship definition with Ankita is quite dissimilar to others.

We behave more like childhood friends than of grown matured individuals committed to each other. I find it quite extraordinary.

I came to Kolkata on Friday morning with the sole intension of meeting her again after seven months….damn these long distance relationships! We decided to meet on Sunday morning but there was me…being restless to meet her as soon as possible.

Meeting place was her favorite-Esplanade. I don’t know why she likes that place so much…it’s just a market. We could have gone to other places like malls; even a long drive could have sufficed, but every time she insists to meet her at the very same place. For it the place has an aura around it. The smell of street food, Vendors shouting to sell their stock, iconic movie theaters, bars-she loved all of it. The one along the National library lane is her favored destination for some beer. (Taking beer is not so bad; it has only eight percent alcohol in it!!)

So it was Sunday and I made sure I was not late…although I am never late.

Ankita: “Reached there already?”

Me: “What do you mean? Don’t tell me you are not ready?”

Ankita: “I am…will be there in some time ok…”

The moment I heard it, I was sure that it would take her hours to reach here…and I was not wrong. She arrived in a taxi after an hour and fifteen minutes…no I am not mad. You can’t be! He he...

Me: “Seriously a sweater?”

Wide eyed she replied “It’s not a sweater”

Me: “Seems like it to me…ha!”

“It’s a hoodie…” she turned around and showed me the hoddie….“see”

Ankita: “From where do you get such a haircut huh?  Pathetic”

Me: “Why what happened? It’s the same na…short, cropped”

Ankita: “I know that but why don’t you grow your hair a bit? You would look good in it….try something new na”

Me: “Hmm…”

Ankita: “What hmm ha?”

Me: “Oh common….my hair won’t grow in a day is it? It will take time…slowly slowly”

I wanted to get away from the topic. Really my hands are tied here. My hair though belongs to me…but it’s controlled by my dad…no style, nothing…even I couldn’t keep my hair long….it happens….deal with it.

We decided not to waste much time and go straight to the bar. Nice place to be…two Carlsberg elephant strong and we are talking…starting from what our life’s used to be…our plans, goals.

Working like an ass and getting peanuts at the end of the month…I was frustrated and let it all out. She tried to calm me but the flood has already started.

We went out but then I was still blabbering….

Me: “Couldn’t you see…everyone is so rich….nice home, flats-some of which are humongous, cool cars and if not enough then a thick gold chain. I don’t have any of it….sick IT life man….tell me one thing that I have and they don’t?”

Ankita: “Well you do have me….”

Arnab was silent….briefly…he realized what she uttered. He got the point. A moment of pride flowed through his veins, filling his heart with it like it’s going to explode.

Me: “Well that’s sweet…”

I decided to be a bit naughty…tried to pull her legs…but I regret now!

Me: “You know I am tall, handsome and have a good physique….so girl you be careful….oh! Look at that girl….nice (chuckles)…”

Ankita: “Hmm… I wanted to show you something at a later time but since you mentioned something now so I will show it to you…you see I have been practicing this new move…want to know that?…This is called punch to the face…”

Apparently she was furious. She was being very serious about it…of that I was unaware of. All of a sudden I could see a punch landing on my face…to be specific right on my nose. Man...ow!

Yes it hurt like hell…I pissed her off. Perks of having a skilled girlfriend…the one who knows karate! Never ever try this…its lethal.

Oh! I forgot to mention. Ankita holds green belt in karate. Ok you must be confused…green belt in karate? Heard only of black belt right? Now let me tell you.

Karate has many levels. The first five levels, or ranks, are signified with colored belts: white, orange, red, yellow, and green. The sixth and seventh levels are signified with a purple belt, and the eighth through tenth levels are represented with a brown belt. After your last brown belt, you'll achieve your first black belt, or dan belt. Like that there are ten dan belts.

Now you know where Ankita is right now. But she is not new in this. I know her from school. There she holded the orange belt. But unfortunate things happened in her life and then she quit karate. It’s only some years back I insisted her to rejoin karate. She was so passionate for it…then why not continue it. Moreover she looked damn hot and sexy in it. He he! You know it…

Now returning to my pain…yes it still hurts. I realized after some time that I was bleeding too…wow!

“Apne aashiq ko sankat mein laana
Toh ghalat baat hai”


Getting beaten by your girlfriend…absolutely amazing….no no not really it’s quite embarrassing. You tell this to your friends and they will never forget this for your whole life…beat up jokes.

Ankita:“Are you ok?”

Me: “Do I look ok…huh? What the hell Ankita!”

Ankita: “Hey! you started it and moreover you could have blocked you know”

Now how to make her understand that I don’t have the required reflexes. Even my managers have better reflexes in blame games. I am amateur in this. But my pain won’t wait for that…it needs help.

Me: “I need to go to the doctor…if you may”

Ankita: “Yes sure…there a nursing home nearby…you will be fine…at least there is no fracture”

Me: “Huh? How do you know? And what do you mean by that?”

Ankita: “Nothing re….I broke my nose once…you will be just fine”

We went to the nearby nursing home and to my dismay in the emergency ward there was my friend-Mousam as doctor. It couldn’t get any better (sigh)

Ankita: “Does it hurt?”

Me: “No no it feels charming….ow!”

She placed a kiss on my nose…the place of injury. It felt like the morning dew falling from the petals of a flower. Oh! those juicy lips….pink lips, pink lips…he he

Ankita: “Does it hurt now?”

Me: “Ummm…depends…can I get more…like in other places?”

Ankita: “You pervert…you want more of my punches?”

I wanted to plead for her mercy but somehow I knew she won’t do that. I smiled and it was just fine. But she was silent for a minute and then said:

Ankita: “Don’t you dare say like the way you did earlier near the market!”

Me: “Aarey what happened? I was just joking”

Ankita: “Look Arnab I don’t like this kind of jokes…you do realize that I don’t like to part with the things I value the most…I value things and so do you”

Never miss the chance when you have one…and so I used mine.

Me: “And so I am a thing for you?”

Ankita: “No idiot not a thing…it’s literal.”

Me: “So then…Those magical words please (smirking)…”

Ankita: “Oh here it is….”

Me: “Yeah…tell me”

Ankita: “I want to punch you”

It didn’t work out. I got punched….merely it was a gentle touch. Second time I got hold of her surprisingly soft fists.

Me: “Blocked it!”

I pulled her closer and planted a kiss….briefly. She jumped in and it was all passionate until Mausam interrupted…hey man we were having a moment here!

Mousam saw the entire thing…he was nearby and just entered the room when we were so engrossed.

Mousam: “You guys know this is a nursing home right?”(smiling)

Baffled by his presence we withdrew our stance and sat still….

Me: “Well…ummm…we are sorry”

Mousam: “Everything is okay….you be careful ok…and try not to be hit by anything or anyone…I will get the report later…and yes it’s not a fracture, of that I am quite sure.”

We looked at each other…Ankita with her wide eyes looked at me….and then we laughed. Mausam was puzzled for a while. We thanked him and left the nursing home.

Ankita: “I told you…no fracture…”

Me: “Yeah…I can see that

We started to leave….I insisted to drop her home even though she resisted…girls always do…it’s a trap…remember it.

Ankita: “So when are you leaving today?”

Me: “At night, ten thirty….when is yours?”

Ankita: “Tomorrow morning at eight fifteen”

Me: “Oh….nice”

Ankita: “Just that…there is nothing you would tell to me?”

Me: “You know everything I have to tell….what’s the point in telling then”

Ankita: “You are such an idiot…come here

A kiss….it’s okay….precisely a smooch. Today is a good day except my nose hurts!

“And another for your healing” and she gave a warm kiss on my nose….really it felt well.

Me:“I need more of this there at my workplace....will miss you”

Ankita: “I know you pervert…you will glance at other girls at work

Me: “Blame my eyes (chuckles)….
Now go on…..I need to go home and pack…its six already”.

I dropped her home and went for mine. On the way I felt a little sad. These few hours lasted like lifetime for me and I am sure it is the same for her. My nose is little better...the pain is less for now. My mom will panic seeing my injury but its fine…she doesn’t know. I could think of only her.

“Accha tell me one thing…Is there anything interesting a man can share only with a man other than a women’s topic?”

Her message blew me out completely…from where does she get all of this?

My train journey went by pondering over the answer…and also getting over the pain…damn I need those kisses.

Yatri jane daya kare dyan o diyantu…

Yes! I am back to my workplace…Bhubaneswar. Seven hours from home…it’s very manageable.

“Call me when you reach there…I hope your nose is all right” message from Ankita received at four in the morning. She woke up all night….it’s her nature….lucky me.

No pain no gain…ow ow!

I wanted to be with her for some more time…perhaps next time we will find more time. Till then I will wait again…always.


Few weeks has passed. Long distance love has restarted…Oh! my injury has subsided. Work has picked up….everyone seems so busy suddenly.

Life should have some fire…build such a fire which will engulf you and others with it…note it is merely literal…camp is made around a fire. Be the fire. I know that this has little or no relationship with this story but I think it’s quite the need in this line…the IT line.

“When you're feeling low on love
I'll be what you dreaming of
Oh, oh
I will never let you down”

Love yourself. Pursue love... that’s cool but never be lost in it…


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