A Hundred Meters

Last night I was wide awake, for the perennial anxiety did not let me sleep.

Have you ever been in a time when there is fear all around and you don’t know what to fear exactly? Well, for me, it is just as hard to comprehend. Perhaps it is all due to being amidst these trying times. I made myself believe so.

The words circled in my brain, like a loop, spinning all the time, those of which I tried to debunk at first, but slowly has grown into me. Now, I just cannot un-see its existence, the crisis is real. Or perhaps I am just over reacting.

At this time, who wouldn’t? is all I can apprise myself.

Me, myself, being by myself; cause that’s all what is there to say and feel right now.

Waking up on a cold bed, from sleepless nights and cigarettes, I just couldn’t perceive that this feeling would ever occur to me. We talk every day, but now that is just not enough. Yet, I fear that if I ever come close to you, your heart would go sick from the tar on my lips.

They say that after when all this is over, we would perhaps become better human beings, learn something new. But I know that apart from talking to you, I would only be engrossed into my daily dose of Internet. What a natural disaster!

Standing at the window, peering over to the other side of the road, I look over to that familiar sight of yours, doing what has now become your daily chore. Those activities might be same for you but I might have never noticed them before, hence I stay engrossed in them for long. And you there from afar would look at me, catching me in the act and would show me faces that would make me laugh. If only I could be there with you right now!

I should probably get some help, because this is at times ridiculous; to be so far, yet be so close. But then I feel where would I go during this time rather than to stay locked in my home? With this state, I can't control myself. Yes, I'm addicted to the hell. Oh, baby, yes, you are so bad for my health.

So, I took out my guitar to sing our only song. Sitting by the window I strum some lines, hoping that you would be able to hear those words of mine. Leaning on the frame, I see you looking at me still, assuring me that it will all be alright.

Struggling to say those words to you, my heart cries them out to you saying I miss you.

And in your reassuring eyes and that luring smile of yours you would say I miss you too.

I miss you by my side, the distance feels like miles.

The distance between you and I, is at a hundred meters long. A hundred meters which has never felt so far.

Credits: ivanoski

Every Night

It is 3 am and I am standing on the terrace, leaning on the barricade, holding a cup of tea while letting out a deep sigh. While gazing at the stars, I pull my blanket close to my chest, holding on too tight at times.

Heads up in the sky, embracing the chilly wind, I breathe in the air, watching the distant clouds in steady motion. And in the midst of the clouds, I see the shining full moon, with me feeling relatively close, close to breaking down, because I feel so alone.

I yell at the sky, scream at the world, looking for answers that are unknown. Heaven only knows where you are now.

Perhaps you are far away, like a star, out in the cosmos. The beauty that I can only see from afar. It hurts to know how lovely you are, as you are too far away to hold but close enough to break my heart.

Every night I think of you now. Time flows like tears, drowning in the ocean, only to seek an island in your arms.

They say that space and time are interwoven. So, I think of making a time machine to back to a time, unlike any other time for us to be together forever. Yet, I can’t go back now. I can’t escape the reality.

Every night I am here contemplating and then retiring myself, waiting for another night.

I stay up all night, looking at the ceiling above, changing its colors from dusk to dawn, thinking to sleep a while and to dream with you. But dreams are for fools I thought. I stay awake to be with you. Listening to your voice, seeing by my side, I tell myself that I am alright.

Gaping at your face, looking at your gleaming eyes, I feel that I never got the chance, to say one last goodbye.

You would say that I got to move on and I would then say that it hurts to try.

How do I love? How do I love again?

Playing our song, at this time of the night, I sway my arms around to dance with you, smiling, while looking at you.

Times that I cannot change does not matter, as with you at this time I stay engrossed.

Every night I hear our song, for I miss you the most.

Every night I am dancing with your ghost.

Source: elysii-campi