What am I afraid of? [Part 1]

What is that I am so afraid of? Seriously I am not sure of it.

There is always a moment where I am afraid, hesitant of something...like School; yes it was hell.

Study,memorize and then vomit the same.Yes...that's how it went by. I was afraid; afraid of what would happen if I am not able to translate my "knowledge".Those neighbors and the mothers of those brainy kids would look down on me; giving me that disgusting nods and stare.My mom would have then hung her head down in shame...I hated that! It is my greatest fear.

Then came college...I hoped my fear would go away then. Since every guy I met with said "college days are the one you will never forget".

Well indeed I will never forget it. My school days seemed better now.

Freshmen year in college felt back in school again. I remember the first day of college...the day I hoped I will finally be free from the hectic school study schedule. Much to my dismay, reality slapped me straight and hard.

I felt betrayed.

"Finish this and then there will be fun ride afterwards"

What is this now? One year and counting...I couldn't figure out the fun ride here! Trust me Mechanical Engineering takes you places but not where the fun part is.

I scrolled through the long list that they put on the huge notice board. The university is being very strict on our class schedule ensuring we do not get any breaks...one of the many steps seemingly to avoid any type of harassment(ragging is the word) to our juniors who just joined this week.

The Head of Department was very pleased with a new professor who joined some weeks back. Once a student of him, now has come to teach beside his mentor. Must be great for him.

Mr. Augustine...I felt sorry for this guy. The class was going on...but I couldn't understand his typical accent. He was kind of a cool, honest person but still his inexperience in handing the session was clearly visible.

Weeks passed...but no one is interested in study. Not that he was not able to make us understand the concepts. Instead he was superb in them. All one needed was the patience to hear of what he had to say...that's what the first bencher's would say. Rest of the guys were making fun of him..hooting,shouting in our class. I was silent there...being sympathetic to the guy; trying to understand of what he had to say.

But I too couldn't!

Days passed and I simply lost the hope to understand of what he had to say. So one fine day I looked outside pondering as to why I came here, my terrible decision to choose this course. Is there no way out? I feared that I won't do well in exams cause that's what mattered regardless of what magic you learn in class.

Then I saw her...the girl who would change my entire situation here. For some time I was looking straight to her...of what she was up to. Fresher...it was evident with which floor she was in. It sure be. Same thing happens to those guys...confused of room numbers. Someone...please put a damn class plate there!

But then the inevitable had to happen. I was picked up by the professor. It seemed unfair to me. Why me? At least I was looking outside while most of "them" were sleeping!

The call though woke all of them up.

"Tell me how the synchronous motor starts? Why is it self starting?"

Now how will I know that? I was afraid that he won't be impressed by my version of the answer.

"Bruh bruhh bruhhhhh"  was all in my mind. I didn't want to disrespect him...I didn't have the intention to,till the stupid smile came out. Sometimes it not always the heart...but it is brain too that toys with you. The whole class erupted now...very amusing indeed.

"Get out!" Mr. Augustine quite naturally told me to leave the class.

There is nothing to do now. I started to go outside the class hanging my head low. Just then a very intriguing thought came to my mind..."what of my attendance?"

I asked the same...but again the class found that very amusing. It erupted in laughter again. This was perhaps the best class they would have ever had. Again here I had no intention.

"Leave the class...next time don't come to my class if you are not interested....and yes you will be marked present."

With a sigh of relief I said thank you and left the class. Now I had nothing to do; so I went to the floor were the girl was searching for her room. Nice,cute girl she was...all in green attire. Damn I love green....Swachh bharat!

I wanted to know about this girl...many things...maybe all of them. I can live with a name for now though. Here was the moment I was afraid....again. Quite embarrassing...I have never approached a girl before! Heart racing...stomach aching(yes I was hungry too) I went towards her in brisk pace...then slowing my pace down realizing it was too fast. I was never impressed...brisk,slow...shall I run now? People tell that first impression has a longtime effect on anything. I nailed that here!

Between my journey towards the seemingly surprised girl who was looking straight towards me now; the bell rang. It screeched my ears...I was taken aback.What was that?

Oh....my class was over...and her started I guess. Shrewd management-start the freshers classes as soon as the seniors are over.There was some hell amount of rush and I was lost in that but able to see her. She was now going to her class(hey she found that!), her gaze fixed on mine.

"You want to attend the next class or what?" asked some guy...who cares now. She was in class and I didn't want to go. I didn't feel good about this though...What is this am I interested into...the girl may take me as a creep and now I am affixed to this being. No! this should stop...

"And who's is that girl? hey....looks good though. Nice sheru!"

"That's...some girl...let's go to class now"

********************************Till the next episode*********************************

I was afraid then...I am afraid still now.

Story continues....

Of late many have been written and many more will come by...I know you will read this. But why do we write? The answer is diversified but I have one question...

"I am trying to tell you something....but are you listening?"

May the new year bring in innumerable joy in your life. As far as I am concerned, I hope I am able to make my story.....perfect.

Thank you....Happy New Year. Meet you again in 2015 ☺

Get Well Soon

"Anticipate the day as if it was your birthday and you are turning six again"

"And why would I do that?"

"Just think na (coughs)"

"Umm...ok...accha done"

"So...what do feel?"

It was a brief pause...how to anticipate what's already happened to us before and it will never come back! It was illogcal but you can't say that to 'her'. I think she anticipated my inanticipation and she continued..

"You are the dumbest guy in the world! oh...(coughing)"

"Are you ok ?...you seem not so well"

There's always an escape point from an argument. Remember even the mightiest of warriors have that tiny weakness in their armor.

"Like you care...no calls...even no Whatsapp for days...what is it?"

"For that I am really sorry...I was into some pressure in office...had to do extra night shifts"

"Hmm..."

Whatever problem you tell her she seems not satisfied. Aisha is her name.

We met at school.I don't remember the exact time but it was around, in the middle of academic year of class seven. She was beautiful, irresistibly hot and hence like every other classmate and seniors, I too fell for her. I was a simple and decent guy...though I am still the same now. There were many things to say to her, many to express; but I failed at every single time.

I did propose to her in class eight. She then simply brushed it off. I simply didn't muster enough courage to ask of her response. Her unimpressed eyes gave me the message.

"You are weak at heart" one of my friend told me that and it still rings a bell. But with her I can't help it. The force is strong here and I am hooked on to the feeling.

Days passed and then years...I tried to forget her; tried to concentrate more on studies. My friends tell me she is lost. Her phone number was not reachable. Orkut, Facebook, nothing seems to be working. I couldn't find her. However we happened to meet again. One text changed everything again. The feeling rushed in like a storm and I was inclined to her...again.

Then again I pulled out a blunder...I spoke my heart out...again. Why is it that I fall for the same girl every time. Our relationship strangled and there was utter silence for the next year. I was determined now to kill the thought. Everything was going on well...I got a job got into a project that was practically the best the market can offer.

"One notification...hmm...a friend request"

Daily facebook seems boring but I do the same routine after returning from office. Watching trailers, reading hilarious confessions. It's all there!

Aisha...why now? My mind was perplexed but I was calm,relaxed for I accepted the fate. Regardless of the fact I accepted the request.

Me: "You don't feel awkward right...like we taking to each other?"

Aisha: "If I would've been in your place, I would have done the same thing."

"I know you far better than anyone"

I felt embarrassed at first but a month later I felt comfortable. The feeling of sharing my accomplishments, my experiences with her made me happy.

It was Kali ( a goddess in the Hindu religion) puja. We were on Skype and she showed me the blue sari she wore that day.

"This is for puja"

"You look...." I stopped for a moment. I had never seen her in a sari before and my god she looked fantastic in it. The color was a perfect match for her smooth cream skin.

Aisha:"It's my first time...tell me it's ok"

Me: "Ok? it's beautiful...you look amazing"

Aisha: "He he...thanks..I was supposed to wear it before a prospective groom. Ha!"

Me: "Groom? Oh..."

Yes...I know...it's that crushing feeling. I know that she may never be mine but still it hurts.I continued...

"Giving trails...wow!"  faking the smile that I don't want too.

Aisha(laughing): "Don't you pull my leg...I am not ready to do it now."

Me: "But eventually you will do it right?"

Aisha: "and what does that mean?" 

I shouldn't have said that...I realized it only after I blurted those words out.

Me: "Aare it's nothing re..."

Aisha: "Hmm..."

We talked very little after that. The chat ended. Soon after I received her message

"You don't have to feel sad...I know. I am sorry for that" 

Just then the call from the office came...

"Avinash Bhaaiii...issue aa gaya...jaldi aao!"

("There is an issue...come fast")

"Yes sure...aata hun"
("Sure...coming")

A week passed and I was still unable to shake it off. She knows...of course she does!

Your love may be pure, you know that you may be the only one that will give her all the happiness. But that does not mean that she should love you too. She has her own agenda, her own line of thinking. That's what being human is. It's completely logical, law of nature they say.

14th November, it's Children's day. This was my last night shift for the week. Night shifts have it's advantages too...like you get the chance to see the early morning sun when everyone is sleeping..being cozy on their beds...in the cold weather. He he...I know!

I was having lunch when I got Aisha's call. I looked at the phone and pondered: Why now? I picked it up. She seemed not well...I can tell her by her voice

"Anticipate the day as if it was your birthday and you are turning six again" 

.........

Aisha:"I visited you once...it's time for you to visit me!"

Me:"What happened?"

Aisha: "I got typhoid...went to doctor and he confirmed it"

Me: "God...that's bad."

Aisha: "I am lonely here and suffering and you say only bad?"

Me(getting irritated): "So you think I don't want to come or what?"

Aisha(coughing and laughing): "Aare it's ok...the doctor told it's only a mild one"

Me: "It's always mild in the beginning...I had one too remember?"

Aisha(shocked): "Heii...is it...god!"

I continued with my general advice out of my own experience. Yes it was not mild now...it has superseded so much so that she had to get injection for that. I felt pity on her. There's nothing I can do here...I can only give her calm words. How things shape...it's really awkward.

I may not get what I love the most but I will always wish to see you happy cause that's all I ever wanted.

Get well soon Aisha...

Minutes of Meeting

The best thing is mother of your crush being your next door neighbour....and then she says: "Kabhi kabhi ghaar aaya bhi karo (visit my home sometimes)"

Well yeah aunty…sure!

It so happened one fine morning. Month of October 2013 and I don’t have a job. Technically I had one which I never joined; but then at the end of the day it is either 0 or 1. My routine was to regularly wake up and within eight to go straight to my books…dive into the ocean of knowledge. I was practically reading everything. From newspaper articles, editorials, current affairs then slog quants, graphs, and mug up tough words for which simple words seemed more appropriate.

“This is the way…the only way” the erudite team used to say. I was like every clueless boy chasing the mighty CAT and if not then IIFT, SNAP, XAT for sure (ha!).

Waking up from irritating and persistent noise is a pain in itself. The truck’s glaring horn was killing me now. Fed up from this I got down from my bed and then went straight to the balcony to see what in the hell was happening. 

Hmmm….seems like new family is moving in, near my place. Couldn't they do that quietly?  

The address: 19/8/4…ok…that’s Mukherjee uncle’s place. Mukherjee uncle was a very rich businessman and in coming years if I am not wrong, would become the manager of sales of a very reputed FMCG company. Being a permanent resident of Delhi, he visited rarely once a year or two and it was a matter of time when he would sell the property to someone else.

"New Neighbors!" My elder sister was quite excited. I really have no idea why she should be. They could turn out to be very boring guys.

"Arnab, bring me these from the market please" my mother handed me a long list of items. Now those would be quite heavy; But there will be change and I know what to do with that money. Ha!

"Hey move that there...don't scratch it, I won't pay you if  there is any scratch on those"

Damn...aunt; whoever you are just chill ! My soon to be neighbor aunt seems like an imposing figure. Maybe she is a bit frightening too like the way her husband was standing near her...quietly watching the commotion being absolutely clueless of whats happening. Maybe her "aura" made him like that.

Now I am going to have an annoying neighbor. Sigh! I went to the market and returned back. My sister had already gone to meet her new neighbors. I was not even interested. I had SIMCAT's to attend to. My routine was to leave home by eleven in the morning and return by eight at night. Rather than sitting at home and contemplating about my future, it's better to act on it.

There are words defined by devil that blows my mind. I mean why would one communicate with one another using those mindboggling words? Even use them in sentences. But then there is the "competition".

SIMCAT's high scorers are considered as the next IIM guys...rest assured I was not one of them. I am the guy of which no one cares about-the ordinary guy scoring ordinary marks. Hey! I too had promise in the beginning of the course but in the middle of the journey I faced the reality. Anyway I got 76 percentile...my personal high score and the faculty was finally seeing some improvement.

"Arnab...two months are left and you need to pick yourself up you know" and the session continued...detailed schedule..regular feedback and all.

"I am going to make it" everyone dreams of it...me too...and I am still dreaming.

I left the center with loads of assignments to be completed in the weekends.No pressure...not at all!

Buses are packed up from six to eight as most employees leave office around this time. Great!
Pushing through the masses I hardly got in the bus...hanging like a thread sewn to the bus handle. Conductor shouting at top of his voice..."Sadan, Pts, Tolltax...". No more please...now only the roof is left. Fortunately I got inside after some stops but that were to my dismay didn't last long. I was told to leave the bus.

I can explain. The bus was full and I was helpless to get a hold off a bar to stand properly. Just then the driver pushed the break very hard. Physics is a bitch. My balance gave in to the momentum. I was pushed in the forward direction. I could see the impending danger before me: a girl. She including the elders would never realize that it was none of my fault. Exactly! Bam... and the target's been hit.The moment of the girl seemingly at my age or maybe younger than me looking at me with her red eyes terrified me.

 "Ki hocche ta ki eita?"

("What the hell is this?")

And then there are those guys just waiting for something to happen.

"Osshobho chele...baap ma kono shikkha deyni?"

("Insolent Boy...didn't your parents teach you anything?")

Wow! I mean how one thing changes to another...mere inertia cost me my respect...turned me in to the scoundrel of the bus which ultimately led to the bus door from which I had to shamefully exit. No one was there to help me out nor was I able to make them understand that it wasn't exactly not my fault. What a day!

My sister texts me where are you? I am in nowhere...

I waited for thirty more minutes to catch another bus which was by god's grace had very little passengers in it. Were was I wrong? But I felt bad too...hey the girl was cute...very cute, had a very small white bindi on her forehead....damn I love those. Her being angry doesn't suit her. I think the girl didn't even intend to escalate the situation to that level. But she didn't help either...I was there to explain...but did she listen...nooo...filled with her arrogance let me leave the bus. Damn you are equally guilty!

My sister texts me again..."What is taking so long? Our neighbours are here.."

Oh no...that lady again...and her sorry husband...please...I would rather prefer quants over it. I could here faint laughs from a distance as I was near my home. What they are laughing at? The lady jokes too? Wow!

Just then when everything was all funny...there was some hush...now the place got a little strange. I was entering the front door ready to be exposed to the beings I call neighbors.

"He is here...meet my son..Arnab!" 

Like a good host I was sat there saying hi hello to uncle and aunt. But that figure which now came from the washroom nearby froze me too death. Youuuu!! My mind was screaming by shock of seeing her...the girl in the bus. You are supposed to be my neighbour? I looked puzzled...then the aunt cleared the air.

"She is my daughter...Varsha"

Like mother...same to same...I now got it how she got that angry face. She first looked at me and then just chuckled like nothing happened. Girl just toying with me...smooth. What happened after that was very uncomfortable to me. I coudn't even look up to her properly...and there she was having all the fun in her life.

"Janen kakima...aajkal bus e lok ra onek osshobho. Thik bhabe darate parena...khali badrami kore shara rastae..."

("You know aunty...nowadays guys in bus are very irresponsible...everytime doing nonsense") 

Can you just believe that? She just played that card on me...fortunately the topic didn't last long. Just bury the damn thing...I cannot take this more. After some time they were leaving...and I was still not doing eye to eye with her. 

The opening line may seem contradictory to my story but it's all in the making...you will know why.

While leaving she told me one thing: "I know you didn't intend to...I'm sorry...It was fun though. You are such a good boy. I like them"

Me:"All of this maybe fun to you...but not for me". For a girl that cute...her arrogance will be her downfall. I certainly didn't take that well. She got the message.

"I will join Erudite next week...will it be too much too ask if you join me?"

My sister replied: "Why not...he will love it. Anyways he won't bother you too much...bit of a shy guy around girls."

This time too I had no say...I was being tired now. I had a rough day today and practically had no interest in my neighbors especially her...though I like her cuteness. There's a different thing about it. I should not think much. I am straying away from my focus...I don't want to lose that.

My main concern is that I will wake up every morning knowing that there is a girl waiting to screw me again. She closed the gate...I was there. She smiled again.

"I visited your home...it's time for you to visit mine"

Nope...never ever!!

And the story continues...

  

I have a Karate Girlfriend

Hi, I am Arnab…an IT guy and yes I have a girlfriend. Some of the common perceptions of people around me are like

“IT guy getting a girlfriend is an extraordinary thing”

Or if it’s not enough then

“Getting one isn't hard. Keeping one is”

But I feel that

“When you say you've had enough

And you might just give it up

Oh, oh

I will never let you down”

Perceptions aside my case is different. Though I belong to the same IT clan, beat up from all directions in ways you can’t even imagine…my life is quite different. Even my relationship definition with Ankita is quite dissimilar to others.

We behave more like childhood friends than of grown matured individuals committed to each other. I find it quite extraordinary.

I came to Kolkata on Friday morning with the sole intension of meeting her again after seven months….damn these long distance relationships! We decided to meet on Sunday morning but there was me…being restless to meet her as soon as possible.

Meeting place was her favorite-Esplanade. I don’t know why she likes that place so much…it’s just a market. We could have gone to other places like malls; even a long drive could have sufficed, but every time she insists to meet her at the very same place. For it the place has an aura around it. The smell of street food, Vendors shouting to sell their stock, iconic movie theaters, bars-she loved all of it. The one along the National library lane is her favored destination for some beer. (Taking beer is not so bad; it has only eight percent alcohol in it!!)

So it was Sunday and I made sure I was not late…although I am never late.

Ankita: “Reached there already?”

Me: “What do you mean? Don’t tell me you are not ready?”

Ankita: “I am…will be there in some time ok…”

The moment I heard it, I was sure that it would take her hours to reach here…and I was not wrong. She arrived in a taxi after an hour and fifteen minutes…no I am not mad. You can’t be! He he...

Me: “Seriously a sweater?”

Wide eyed she replied “It’s not a sweater”

Me: “Seems like it to me…ha!”

“It’s a hoodie…” she turned around and showed me the hoddie….“see”

Ankita: “From where do you get such a haircut huh?  Pathetic”

Me: “Why what happened? It’s the same na…short, cropped”

Ankita: “I know that but why don’t you grow your hair a bit? You would look good in it….try something new na”

Me: “Hmm…”

Ankita: “What hmm ha?”

Me: “Oh common….my hair won’t grow in a day is it? It will take time…slowly slowly”

I wanted to get away from the topic. Really my hands are tied here. My hair though belongs to me…but it’s controlled by my dad…no style, nothing…even I couldn’t keep my hair long….it happens….deal with it.

We decided not to waste much time and go straight to the bar. Nice place to be…two Carlsberg elephant strong and we are talking…starting from what our life’s used to be…our plans, goals.

Working like an ass and getting peanuts at the end of the month…I was frustrated and let it all out. She tried to calm me but the flood has already started.

We went out but then I was still blabbering….

Me: “Couldn’t you see…everyone is so rich….nice home, flats-some of which are humongous, cool cars and if not enough then a thick gold chain. I don’t have any of it….sick IT life man….tell me one thing that I have and they don’t?”

Ankita: “Well you do have me….”

Arnab was silent….briefly…he realized what she uttered. He got the point. A moment of pride flowed through his veins, filling his heart with it like it’s going to explode.

Me: “Well that’s sweet…”

I decided to be a bit naughty…tried to pull her legs…but I regret now!

Me: “You know I am tall, handsome and have a good physique….so girl you be careful….oh! Look at that girl….nice (chuckles)…”

Ankita: “Hmm… I wanted to show you something at a later time but since you mentioned something now so I will show it to you…you see I have been practicing this new move…want to know that?…This is called punch to the face…”

Apparently she was furious. She was being very serious about it…of that I was unaware of. All of a sudden I could see a punch landing on my face…to be specific right on my nose. Man...ow!

Yes it hurt like hell…I pissed her off. Perks of having a skilled girlfriend…the one who knows karate! Never ever try this…its lethal.

Oh! I forgot to mention. Ankita holds green belt in karate. Ok you must be confused…green belt in karate? Heard only of black belt right? Now let me tell you.

Karate has many levels. The first five levels, or ranks, are signified with colored belts: white, orange, red, yellow, and green. The sixth and seventh levels are signified with a purple belt, and the eighth through tenth levels are represented with a brown belt. After your last brown belt, you'll achieve your first black belt, or dan belt. Like that there are ten dan belts.

Now you know where Ankita is right now. But she is not new in this. I know her from school. There she holded the orange belt. But unfortunate things happened in her life and then she quit karate. It’s only some years back I insisted her to rejoin karate. She was so passionate for it…then why not continue it. Moreover she looked damn hot and sexy in it. He he! You know it…

Now returning to my pain…yes it still hurts. I realized after some time that I was bleeding too…wow!

“Apne aashiq ko sankat mein laana

Toh ghalat baat hai”

Getting beaten by your girlfriend…absolutely amazing….no no not really it’s quite embarrassing. You tell this to your friends and they will never forget this for your whole life…beat up jokes.

Ankita:“Are you ok?”

Me: “Do I look ok…huh? What the hell Ankita!”

Ankita: “Hey! you started it and moreover you could have blocked you know”

Now how to make her understand that I don’t have the required reflexes. Even my managers have better reflexes in blame games. I am amateur in this. But my pain won’t wait for that…it needs help.

Me: “I need to go to the doctor…if you may”

Ankita: “Yes sure…there a nursing home nearby…you will be fine…at least there is no fracture”

Me: “Huh? How do you know? And what do you mean by that?”

Ankita: “Nothing re….I broke my nose once…you will be just fine”

We went to the nearby nursing home and to my dismay in the emergency ward there was my friend-Mousam as doctor. It couldn’t get any better (sigh)

Ankita: “Does it hurt?”

Me: “No no it feels charming….ow!”

She placed a kiss on my nose…the place of injury. It felt like the morning dew falling from the petals of a flower. Oh! those juicy lips….pink lips, pink lips…he he

Ankita: “Does it hurt now?”

Me: “Ummm…depends…can I get more…like in other places?”

Ankita: “You pervert…you want more of my punches?”

I wanted to plead for her mercy but somehow I knew she won’t do that. I smiled and it was just fine. But she was silent for a minute and then said:

Ankita: “Don’t you dare say like the way you did earlier near the market!”

Me: “Aarey what happened? I was just joking”

Ankita: “Look Arnab I don’t like this kind of jokes…you do realize that I don’t like to part with the things I value the most…I value things and so do you”

Never miss the chance when you have one…and so I used mine.

Me: “And so I am a thing for you?”

Ankita: “No idiot not a thing…it’s literal.”

Me: “So then…Those magical words please (smirking)…”

Ankita: “Oh here it is….”

Me: “Yeah…tell me”

Ankita: “I want to punch you”

It didn’t work out. I got punched….merely it was a gentle touch. Second time I got hold of her surprisingly soft fists.

Me: “Blocked it!”

I pulled her closer and planted a kiss….briefly. She jumped in and it was all passionate until Mausam interrupted…hey man we were having a moment here!

Mousam saw the entire thing…he was nearby and just entered the room when we were so engrossed.

Mousam: “You guys know this is a nursing home right?”(smiling)

Baffled by his presence we withdrew our stance and sat still….

Me: “Well…ummm…we are sorry”

Mousam: “Everything is okay….you be careful ok…and try not to be hit by anything or anyone…I will get the report later…and yes it’s not a fracture, of that I am quite sure.”

We looked at each other…Ankita with her wide eyes looked at me….and then we laughed. Mausam was puzzled for a while. We thanked him and left the nursing home.

Ankita: “I told you…no fracture…”

Me: “Yeah…I can see that”

We started to leave….I insisted to drop her home even though she resisted…girls always do…it’s a trap…remember it.

Ankita: “So when are you leaving today?”

Me: “At night, ten thirty….when is yours?”

Ankita: “Tomorrow morning at eight fifteen”

Me: “Oh….nice”

Ankita: “Just that…there is nothing you would tell to me?”

Me: “You know everything I have to tell….what’s the point in telling then”

Ankita: “You are such an idiot…come here”

A kiss….it’s okay….precisely a smooch. Today is a good day except my nose hurts!

“And another for your healing” and she gave a warm kiss on my nose….really it felt well.

Me:“I need more of this there at my workplace....will miss you”

Ankita: “I know you pervert…you will glance at other girls at work”

Me: “Blame my eyes (chuckles)….

Now go on…..I need to go home and pack…its six already”.

I dropped her home and went for mine. On the way I felt a little sad. These few hours lasted like lifetime for me and I am sure it is the same for her. My nose is little better...the pain is less for now. My mom will panic seeing my injury but its fine…she doesn’t know. I could think of only her.

“Accha tell me one thing…Is there anything interesting a man can share only with a man other than a women’s topic?”

Her message blew me out completely…from where does she get all of this?

My train journey went by pondering over the answer…and also getting over the pain…damn I need those kisses.

Yatri jane daya kare dyan o diyantu…

Yes! I am back to my workplace…Bhubaneswar. Seven hours from home…it’s very manageable.

“Call me when you reach there…I hope your nose is all right” message from Ankita received at four in the morning. She woke up all night….it’s her nature….lucky me.

No pain no gain…ow ow!

I wanted to be with her for some more time…perhaps next time we will find more time. Till then I will wait again…always.

Few weeks has passed. Long distance love has restarted…Oh! my injury has subsided. Work has picked up….everyone seems so busy suddenly.

Life should have some fire…build such a fire which will engulf you and others with it…note it is merely literal…camp is made around a fire. Be the fire. I know that this has little or no relationship with this story but I think it’s quite the need in this line…the IT line.

“When you're feeling low on love

I'll be what you dreaming of

Oh, oh

I will never let you down”

Love yourself. Pursue love... that’s cool but never be lost in it…

You bring me Joy and you bring me Sadness

“Forget all the bad things that happened between us Patrick. Happy Friendship Day…..

Be with me always…”

Patrick’s heart stopped for a moment. Even the earth seemed to stood still. What he saw was never expected and in turn it brings back memories….

It was regular Sunday morning which usually kicked off at eleven in the morning-thanks to late hours at the office or the booze…on the rocks! But this time it was different. He had a date to attend. It’ been long since his breakup that he gathered enough courage to start a relationship.

It was friendship day…...though he never cared (so he thought). Setting an alarm was not needed as friendship day messages flowed through his phone… Whatsapp, Viber, Hike, Inbox…woof…so many.

“So it begins…nobody cares the whole year and see now….you are my friend…best one…blah blah blah…useless!” Patrick blabbered.

For him friendship day holds no meaning. A friend in need is a friend indeed. But he considered all of them as mere acquaintances.

“Where were they when I needed them the most…huh?”

Just then a message popped up from an unknown number and then the moment changed. Numerous calculations, permutations flowed through his mind but in the back of his mind he hoped, prayed that it be from the person he thinks it would be….Shweta….for he never let go of her. He loved her too much.

Breakups can be bad….soul crushing sometimes….he felt that too. But things have somehow changed now.

A clouded mind can lead to unwanted, false perceptions. So Patrick wanted to be sure.

“Umm…who’s this?” he replied

But he was being restless now. He was not convinced. It’s been more than a year now that they have separated from each other….if yes then why now?

The Digital world is quite fascinating. A simple tap of the number yielded him of the result. The search result though left him quite perplexed. Sighing he replied…

“Happy friendship day though….#keepcalm….never mind….even if something happened, forget it… Vignesh right?”

The reply came….”Yup”

He tossed the phone in anguish. How can he be such a fool? Thinking about the one that cannot be achieved now…for everything’s over between them.

Four missed calls reminded him of his current situation. He was so engrossed in his world that he failed to notice that his phone was beeping four times in a row….

“Yeah…am sorry…I do remember…yes yes…Café Coffee Day…hmm…I will be there”

And so he went there rather hurriedly taking his backpack with him. Wherever he goes he never leaves his backpack behind…it’s like his best friend along with him.

He decided to snoop on her profile; the one who was at the top of his chat list is no more in his friend list.

“Shweta Tiwari…single…hmmmm….”

But her cover picture says something else. The picture with a boy…hmmmm…

“Man…how could she be with him? I mean look at him…I am way more smart, tall and handsome than he would ever be”

Patrick felt something is wrong with her. She deserves more…perhaps he could have been the right person for her…..he was once. He pitied her.

“If I could do something…..for her”

“Hey what are you ogling at your laptop?” the voice of a girl pierced right through his ears.

He tilted his head up from the laptop to see her….Ankita, skipping her way to him. Smile returned to his face.

“Crazy girl” he murmured.

He and Ankita met some months ago at a hospital where he was a patient. Patrick had a mild stroke at home. At such a young age of twenty six many were quite alarmed by his condition.

“That’s what happens in an IT job” many said at that time.

Sleepless night without intake of food and in addition to it the dedication towards your office work; the body pressure is bound to hit rock bottom ….yes breakups are bad, harsh.

Ankita being a doctor at the hospital gave special attention to him. For Patrick it was the only positive thing happening to him. Having Ankita by his side helped his recovery faster. Both used to laugh at their jokes. She would have both her lunch and dinner with him, converse with him day and night. Four weeks at hospital; Patrick never felt bored for she was there with him.

The whole hospital could see what was cooking between them. Patients and Nurses used to giggle when Ankita came to visit him. Eventually both shared their love on his release date and since then both are together.

“So early…wow” Ankita giggled.

Patrick:”Hmm…time matters you know…(giggles)”

Ankita: “Oh ho….so what were you mumbling about?”

Patrick closed his laptop and said “Nothing much…just some office stuffs”

Ankita: “Date time…no works…remember?”

Patrick (chuckles): “Yeah…I remember…ordered Chocolate Fantasy for you”

Ankita: “Aww….so nice…my favorite” and she planted a huge kiss leaving bright red lipstick marks on his 

cheek.

Patrick: “Now that’s permanent...he he”

Love is the thing which cannot be defined. Even Romeo failed to describe it. It can just be felt. It just happens. You can be in love even if not present with each other. One can be in love with even a mere memory of someone.

Vignesh cell phone rang for the umpteenth time….he did not want to receive the call. Guilt prevailed in him….but the caller was persistent….he was fed up…he picked up the call...

Vignesh: “Yeah…”

“Is it done? Did you send it?”

Vignesh: “Yes I did….but for what cause?”

“You won’t understand…but thank you Vignesh for helping me out…”

Vignesh: “You still love him don’t you? Then why not tell him yourself?”

“Bird having its wings torn apart would not be able to fly again…ever”

Vignesh: “Stop beating around the bush…get to the point Shweta!”

Shweta: “Leave it…it’s hard to explain….my purpose is to see him happy…if not me then from others-his friends and all the people nearby… (Sobs)

You know what once before he told me

Its goona take a lot to drag me away from you….

But now I am the reason for his condition. I can’t see him like this. I don’t want to give him any more pain. Even I don’t have the power to face him…it will break him…he will be lost in the place which was once was our world….sorry Vignesh for giving you the trouble….goodbye.”

Before Vignesh could say anything Shweta cut the line…he tried calling Shweta again but it went in vain…line appears dead every time.

Months passed with no trace of Shweta…meanwhile Patrick was happy again…he and Ankita are planning for Goa trip….amazing how things change.

Vignesh didn’t have words to talk to….he never experienced it before; he’s never been in love before. Perhaps it’s too complex to understand or perhaps it’s too silly….

The question is: Is it?

If only you were here...

“Huh....huh...huh...ooofff....oh god...”

Aakriti was panting for breath. She wanted to reach to the top as fast as possible. The view of the city from the hill top was quite spectacular...but surprisingly very few came to that place. Maybe it is unknown for people here.

“Oh...at last! Yes....”

The feeling of ecstasy and achievement surrounded her mind. Why won’t it be?

She could see the spot where once she tried to jump from...to commit suicide....but there was Aman who saved her not life but her soul as well. Then time changed and her life as well.

Both became closer to each other eventually, like they were destined to do.

Her life was saved, her past cleansed and the future beaming gave her the push she needed. To live free, to be happy once again and yes...to be in love.

Aman was the most beautiful thing happened to her which she didn’t want to lose.

“I love you” she said

“What?....oh...that I already do” came the reply

And it was done. Her life felt complete, relieved. The thirst for love was quenched. Tears rolled down her eyes unlike the wide smile across the face of Aman......and then she kissed him.

“I don’t want to stop kissing you”

Aman chuckled and said “Who stopped you?”

Two years passed.....breezing past them.

They were ready. They had decided to be each other forever. It was only a matter of approval from respective families which they got eventually.....as if they cared!

Engagement followed and marriage dates were fixed....Both of their families were so happy.

Now time for wedding shopping....

Forum Mart...Manish Creations....Yes...I was there too!

“These would look great on us...let’s take a picture with them in background”

Aakriti searched for someone nearby who would take their picture and then found one seemingly looking at them....maybe judging them...but at the same time lost in his thoughts.

“Can you take a picture please”

After thinking a long time,the boy gave a forced smile and said

“Sure”........finally

Aman” “That guy is wierd no?”

Aakriti: “Yeah! Maybe it reminds him of someone”

Aman: (Chuckles) “Or maybe he likes you...”

Aakriti: (Smiling) “Maybe he does...”

They laughed and punched each other....they left the boy before taking their camera....the boy was lost in his thoughts again...watching them with the wedding dresses in the background...surely reminded him of someone...

Yes.....the boy....that’s me!

Rain poured an hour ago...sun has set in...the night jasmine had blossomed with its scent spread everywhere. Moonlight fell as spotlight with them walking on the road.

Aman: What if someday I am not there...what will you do? Will you love again?

Aakriti: “Yes and No”

Aman: “And that’s how?”

Aakriti: Yes...cause I will love you...always...and no cause that’s not necessary...

Aman: Huh? Not necessary? ......Loving me is not necessary for you?

Aakriti: No dumbo...Now that you would be mine forever; I won’t leave you out of my sight...ever.

They kissed passionately...Their marriage as near...Happy moments.....Start of something new!

Tears fell down from Aakriti’s eyes as she relieved those moments...

Aman was dead... hit by drunk truck driver while returning home that day. He was lost forever....and so was she...days turned to weeks turned to months....but the silence prevailed.

The edge of the hill was near. She leaned front and saw the whole city in front of her. The idea of jumping from the edge crossed her mind. It felt fair....for her everything is lost. She as incomplete again and the void seemed huge like a black hole sucking in everything inside destroying them and leaving no trace behind.

“Don’t be a coward....love life...face it upfront...be it anything, never bog down...if alone then try to be with  new people...be in love....what are you doing? Is this how you want yourself to be remembered?”

Aman said that to her the dasy he saved her.

If only you were you here....

As she backtracked her steps her phone rang...the call from Dr. Malhotra.

“Hello Aakriti?”

“Yes Doctor”

“Oh good...the pregnancy test report came...”

“and?..”

“Good news...it’s positive”

Tears rolled down her face again. This time it was of happiness...her life has found a new purpose....to relive it again.

“Thankyou Doctor.....Thankyou...”

A child....Aman’s progeny...the smile now returned to her face that had been lost for a long time.

If only you were here...

Kalinga Hospital...after a few months...

Nurse: “What name will you give to her?”

Aakriti thought for a while...

“ummm...I have many”

Nurse: “Choose the best....the girl is beautiful...so cute...has got it from you surely.

Aakriti: “She has her father’s eyes....”

Nurse : “So...the name for her? You decided yet?

Aakriti: “Yes I have decided the name for her....I don’t know if it is the best for her nor I know if she will like it or not...but I am sure if Aman was there we would have liked it...cause he proposed the name...

Her name we chose is....Anupriya.”

She looked through the window...the sun shone brightly...so was her daughter...beaming. She closed her eyes and said:

“Thankyou...”