The Inchmeal Retrofit

Rome was not built in a day. We know that alright!

No-one talks about how much effort it took up to build from being crushed to what of it is now. Let’s take another example, a perfect one in fact which comes to my mind is of Japan, the country which always bounces back from torrid times. From being bombed down-twice to being havocked by earthquakes; it is quite remarkable how fast they recover and prosper through the ashes.

Collective effort works wonders. But all these lectures go straight to sink when it comes to the matter of the heart doesn’t it?

It is that moment when the heart and the mind are not in sync, and the situation gets completely awry. Well the heart wants what it wants, and the brain just can’t help it.

Everybody gets high sometimes, but sometimes you’ve got to bleed to know how much it makes sense; that you are alive and living fully up to your soul. Does that make sense? No? Well, me too ☺

The heart is weak and weak has bled. The marks are gone but still he never learns!

I have had trouble writing of late. The idea is there but the content sometimes just does not fit in. Countless scenarios, innumerous lines; nothing seems to fit in to perfectly describe a story. Perhaps that is what they call a writer’s block...or perhaps the heart itself in not in the right place.

Have you ever felt lonely sometimes? Yes it sucks...big time.

It has been almost a year now and many things have changed since. I have finally started doing everything on my own and it feels really good achieving it. The satisfaction we get to being completely independent is something of a different feeling in its entirety. But in spite of all the freedom, I always find something lacking which bugs me every time.

“It’s the girl” that’s what my friend says.

It’s in our nature to deny the facts in an instant, which we are too embarrassed to admit. Of course it took me losing people to understand how much I actually need them and all those sweet little things that they brought with them: the tenderness, the cuddles, the scent, and the hair all over the place, the sound of their voice. Whenever I notice something is wrong I realize that in fact it’s just one of those things missing from my life right now. But then we never really say those out loud, do we?

It is not from the fact that you are doing everything alone and are living for yourself, but the fact that you have started to miss them, makes you feel alone. You may have the best time in the world and may be everything is going the right way around you; you may even be hitting every right note but the one thing you miss will eat you up inside in those lonely nights. And yes it feels pretty bad.

Matters of the heart, remember?

I was sitting on the Marine Drive alone on a Diwali night. The place was simply lit up to the occasion, while I was trying to gather some new ideas on the story that I was struggling to write for a long time and also hoping to be able to finally write some lines.

But then random moments trigger some serious but unwanted memories...and damn them, it just unsettles everything you were doing till now.

The festival brought a lot of people and everybody was having such a good time. There were songs humming in from the radio nearby.

Some songs on the radio were okay. But as they say, my real taste in music is your face. And that music comes around, hitting you ever so slightly in the heart. That slight touch that takes it to places, slipping away from reality.

“Hold my hand” she says.

Smiling she pulls me from across the street and then moves ahead skipping her way through. That sight of her just made my day today...but it was not meant to last!

“It’s so much fun isn’t it” she says.

“Yes” I replied while being desolate.

“What is it with you?” she quizzed as she looks at me with her tender eyes.

“You are just not real” as I sighed hanging my head low.

Smiling she whispers to me “I am, if you want it to be” and she was never seen again.

The crackers kept coming in and the sky got enlightened more with lights with each passing minute. I got up to leave the place. The story was still not finished yet.

Missing `em sucks!

It feels intense and the worst part is that you feel completely out of control because there isn’t a whole lot that you can do about it. Just like there are no reasons for unconditional love there are no reasons for missing someone. We have been attached to them and their absence has that power to move us. Have you ever felt that before?

My friend says when we start missing that person; miss that person with a smile. But I have got a bad headache man!

It’s a rainy day today. Back from work, he rushed to his room, kept his bag and sat in front of his laptop with a cup of coffee, hoping he would write something today. One sip in and everything was going on fine. Ideas were coming in and he was in the game. Another sip and he has lost it yet again.

“Damn it” he says.

Perplexed, he leaves and retires himself to bed letting out the air of his disappointment.

She is lying next to me and I am half asleep, wondering what I did to deserve this moment-to deserve her. And while she is here, breathing so easily, resting her head on my arms, sliding on my chest; all I can think about is what I can do tomorrow to be better for her than I was today.

“Are you happy?” she says.

“I am now” I replied.

She smiles, the sound of which you were aching for so desperately, as if it fills a void. But the smile never stops as she takes out the dagger from under the sheets and stabs right through my heart. I could still hear the smile as it turns into a laugh while the dagger is still cutting in the flesh ever so slowly.

She is a butcher with a smile!

I sprang out of the bed much to the shock of what I have just dreamt of.

Am I the only one I know...who is waging these wars behind my own?

My empty room is lit with darkness, engulfed in shadows of the place, the shadows, which are screaming that I am alone; pathetically alone without you!

That damn headache...that is still not getting better though.

I try to sleep again much to my bewilderment, watching the ceiling upfront, with the bed still being so cold. I know I can’t sleep today.

But still...we have made it this far. My laptop is still switched on and I have a story to complete.

***

Let's do our best to not die alone☺